Gathering

Forgive and Forget

I think I should forgive, and forget.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe you didn't mean it. Deep inside, I really hope that everything is my mistake. Seriously I really do. Please, tell me that you are not the person that I hated so much. I don't want to live a life full of hatred, it suffocates me! I don't want you to be my enemy. I still wanna "heal" our friendship. But can you make it happen for us?

Call it a Day..

Its Saturday! And I wasn't doing anything beneficial. Just sitting here with Labbie (my laptop), playing games, watching movies, and that I call it a day. What a waste of time. I'm actually aware, but I'm just feeling too lazy to do anything, especially studying! I don't know why was I so "unproductive" today, and unhappy, too. Will it be the tension of pre-calculus test? Will it be the pressure of the awaiting assignments? Haiz, really miss secondary school days. Don't have those FU*K**G stressful situation that I'm facing here everyday, don't have those SH*t assignment that counts for marks, don't have those stupid lab reports that affect my final result, don't have any LAME quiz, don't have those piqued and confusing lectures..and this..and that..and..and..

Here I go again, can't stop complaining once I began on this topic. Anyway, complaining doesn't solve the matter either. Just to shout it out, for some tension relieve! At least! Haha!
Well, I begin to get use to the life here already. But still not feeling comfortable with it. This place is so damn freakin DUMB! Honestly, I HATE it here. But what to do? I'm fated to be here! No choice but to accept it. In fact I should be "thankful" (This is a school where hundreds are fighting for a place here). But never mind. We'll see! Its too early to jump to a conclusion. As the old classical adage goes, "don't judge a book by its cover". It may be better than I expected it to be, or it may be even worse than I could ever think of! Who knows? Just let the time tell.

爬头

今天，
我爬头爬到头皮都快落出来了。
太难了，
实在太难了。
明天，
就是物理考试咯！
好怕！
好担心！
如果FAIL怎么办？
咳，
也许是命中注定吧！
如果我有国靖的头脑，
崇昆的聪明，
那就完美无瑕，
天下无敌了咯！

其实，
为什么人一遇到难题，
就会猛地爬头呢？
Reflects action？
难道，
这样可以增强思考能力，
爬了爬就会找出solution？
hmm...
到底是什么原因呢?
奇怪！

H1N1?

My body temperature is rising. Is it really H1N1? Oh my God! Please bless me. I don't want to die yet! At least not this way!

睡不着...

现在已是凌晨两点四十一分。我还睡不着。眼睁睁望着那本4.5cm厚的Foundation Physics，我又开始觉得很压力了。因为我根本就不明白它到底在讲些什么。刚刚做了physics的练习，结果是全部都不会。看来我是真的不适合读physics。讨厌它的感觉又来了。就像中四刚刚学它时的厌倦感。那时候是因为幸亏有了补习老师的辅导，我的physics稍有进步。回想起来，Teacher Yanti 可说是我的大恩人。我真得很感激这位老师。是她令我明白什么是physics，是她令我爱上physics。我SPM physics 之所以拿到A1也是老师的功劳。现在上了大学，还会有第二位Teacher吗？还会有人让我重新明白它吗？还会有人让我重新爱上它吗？咳，难道我的physics注定FAIL？我真得喘不过气来！我的头好重哦！Fully loaded with all the pressure and stress I guess.

Hiak!把懒虫全给杀掉!杀！杀！杀！我要发奋图强！Lecturer不教我，大不了我就自己学。LIM CAMILLE是做得到的！

Circular Motion..? Rational Function..? Orbital..? WHAT?!

Lets start with circular motion first.
Definition: a motion of a particle around a circle or circular are in constant speed, but different velocity, and has acceleration.THen here come the headache! ∆v/v=v∆t/r, then why suddenly a=∆v/∆t=v^2/r? What the hell is going on? Circular motion is running circle in my head! Today the replacement lecturer is just teaching for the sake of completing her working hours. Just get a laser pointer, point to the slide and read it out loud to us, press next for the next slide, and read it again, and again, and again until 1.00 o'clock. And me, sitting in my place, surrounded by so many question mark, scratching my head until she let us go.

Now, rational function.
I don't even know anything about it! Loser! Suddenly a bunch of mathematical rules and definitions jump out of nowhere. I can't cope. Too many new things to be program in a small brain! By the time i started to understand about long division, factor theorem, synthetic method, domain and the stupid graph, another new information is rushing in my brain, making it jammed. As the slow brain is moving slower, you should know what is gonna happen next.

And then, here comes the most confusing topic! Orbital and quantum number!
p,s,d,f...then n,l,Ml,M...Principal Quantum number, Azimuthal quantum number,magnetic quantum number, spin quantum number..then the orientation, the spin..the structure of the periodic table..oh my GOD! One simple atom can bring so many trouble into my studies! Plus the energy of emission and absorption, the wavelength, what is that all about? I going nuts! I really need a break!

Somebody save me!!!

Dream vs Reality

I dream to be a freelance animal researcher. I dream of drinking a cup of coffee in the middle of the savanna, watching the sun setting, seeing the the animals running freely without any harm from human, how cool is that! Saving the animals in harm, protesting against animals killing, stopping animals abuse...and most importantly, protecting them against inhumanity! They are living things too, they have feelings like us human beings too, why should some moron hurt them? I really don't get it!

Anyhow, that is just simply a dream I can only dream of. When I stepped back into reality, I have to make a secured choice for myself! Why not just going with your dream? Choose what you wanna be? NO! I can't! Because this world is everything about money! Without money, people don't even look at you. And so, I end up taking mechanical engineering. I don't really like it, but for the sake of money, just have to take it! I wanna run away, I wanna run back home, but don't have no choice, no way, and it ain't easy to fit in someplace you are not meant to be. I can feel the weight on my shoulder, and its unbearable.

Somebody actually told me, I am more suitable taking biology. Yeah! I'm thinking of that too. But you know, dream and reality is always opposing each other. Just like a definition in math, or a theory in physics. You can't argue about it, but only accept it as the way it is.

犹豫•抉择•正确？

在我们的生命中，实在有太多的分岔路口。很多时候，我们都在犹豫着，怀疑着自己的选择。因为，我们都怕自己会踏上一条不归路。现实是残忍的，做错了，就是做错了，没得改正。现实是残酷的，错过了，就是错过了，再也不得挽回。Life has no take two 嘛。

Same goes the time, once it is gone, we can never turn it back again.

有时候，真的很不想长大。因为长大以后，烦恼也会跟着增多，and its definitely more complicated than ever! 很想永远当个小孩子，永远就是那么的天真，那么的单纯，那么的不知天高地厚，那么的无拘无束。

偶尔想想，觉得自己真的很矛盾。小时候，迫不得已想要快点长大。可现在长大了，却想要回到以前。真的，有时候，我会觉得很冷很冷，因为自己从此要孤肩作战。爸妈不会再像以前那样，站在身旁叫自己如何选择。一个人站在分岔路口上的那种感受，真的很空虚，很寂寞，很无奈。

为什么人生就是离不开选择？为什么人就是会长大？为什么时间就是不会倒流？为什么现实就是那么残酷？These questions will never have an answer, just like people questioning why is the world round..

Decisions vs Doubts

People doubt about the choices they made, people doubt about their future, people doubt about their dreams.

Most of the time, people are so full of confusion. And people tend to doubt because they felt that the chosen one is not the best for them. Greed, lust, and obsession are the answers to their skepticism.

People ought to be insecure n unassure by their own decision. Why of course, everyone would wanted the best for themselves, but have they ever think of those who aren't even given a choice or a chance to choose?

Sometimes, i just felt that this world is full of obstacles n huddles of life. Things weren't always going to be good. Things weren't always going to be perfect.

But somehow, we have no choice but to obey to the rules of this game of life. Pass through it, and you're okay! But if you fail, sorry then! There wouldn't be a second chance.

Sometimes i bewilder too.
i think of why am i born to this world?
i think of why am i a girl and not a boy?
i think of why am i here in UTP?
i think of why am i torturing myself?
i think of am i at the right place? right here? right now?

i think of quitting, i think of suicide, i think of leaving...
but anyhow, i failed to do so, cause i doubted too much.
i hesitated.
i ceased and
i receded
from the decision.