Dream vs Reality

I dream to be a freelance animal researcher. I dream of drinking a cup of coffee in the middle of the savanna, watching the sun setting, seeing the the animals running freely without any harm from human, how cool is that! Saving the animals in harm, protesting against animals killing, stopping animals abuse...and most importantly, protecting them against inhumanity! They are living things too, they have feelings like us human beings too, why should some moron hurt them? I really don't get it!

Anyhow, that is just simply a dream I can only dream of. When I stepped back into reality, I have to make a secured choice for myself! Why not just going with your dream? Choose what you wanna be? NO! I can't! Because this world is everything about money! Without money, people don't even look at you. And so, I end up taking mechanical engineering. I don't really like it, but for the sake of money, just have to take it! I wanna run away, I wanna run back home, but don't have no choice, no way, and it ain't easy to fit in someplace you are not meant to be. I can feel the weight on my shoulder, and its unbearable.

Somebody actually told me, I am more suitable taking biology. Yeah! I'm thinking of that too. But you know, dream and reality is always opposing each other. Just like a definition in math, or a theory in physics. You can't argue about it, but only accept it as the way it is.

犹豫•抉择•正确？

在我们的生命中，实在有太多的分岔路口。很多时候，我们都在犹豫着，怀疑着自己的选择。因为，我们都怕自己会踏上一条不归路。现实是残忍的，做错了，就是做错了，没得改正。现实是残酷的，错过了，就是错过了，再也不得挽回。Life has no take two 嘛。

Same goes the time, once it is gone, we can never turn it back again.

有时候，真的很不想长大。因为长大以后，烦恼也会跟着增多，and its definitely more complicated than ever! 很想永远当个小孩子，永远就是那么的天真，那么的单纯，那么的不知天高地厚，那么的无拘无束。

偶尔想想，觉得自己真的很矛盾。小时候，迫不得已想要快点长大。可现在长大了，却想要回到以前。真的，有时候，我会觉得很冷很冷，因为自己从此要孤肩作战。爸妈不会再像以前那样，站在身旁叫自己如何选择。一个人站在分岔路口上的那种感受，真的很空虚，很寂寞，很无奈。

为什么人生就是离不开选择？为什么人就是会长大？为什么时间就是不会倒流？为什么现实就是那么残酷？These questions will never have an answer, just like people questioning why is the world round..

Decisions vs Doubts

People doubt about the choices they made, people doubt about their future, people doubt about their dreams.

Most of the time, people are so full of confusion. And people tend to doubt because they felt that the chosen one is not the best for them. Greed, lust, and obsession are the answers to their skepticism.

People ought to be insecure n unassure by their own decision. Why of course, everyone would wanted the best for themselves, but have they ever think of those who aren't even given a choice or a chance to choose?

Sometimes, i just felt that this world is full of obstacles n huddles of life. Things weren't always going to be good. Things weren't always going to be perfect.

But somehow, we have no choice but to obey to the rules of this game of life. Pass through it, and you're okay! But if you fail, sorry then! There wouldn't be a second chance.

Sometimes i bewilder too.
i think of why am i born to this world?
i think of why am i a girl and not a boy?
i think of why am i here in UTP?
i think of why am i torturing myself?
i think of am i at the right place? right here? right now?

i think of quitting, i think of suicide, i think of leaving...
but anyhow, i failed to do so, cause i doubted too much.
i hesitated.
i ceased and
i receded
from the decision.